My beautiful girlfriend was suffering from a mental illness and heavy depressions back in the eighties and took her own life in 1989 at the age of just 24. Today I was going through my old record collection and found a little paper inside The Cure’s Disintegration album sleeve. It was an old handwritten note by her with some drawings. Beautiful painted red and purple flowers, many little hearts with my name written a hundred times and the words: ‘there was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart’. I immediately searched on Google and found out it are words to this song. I listened to it all morning. I got so close to her today because of this song. These words describe how she felt, how ill she was. How she struggled with being alive. But it also finally tells me how much I was wanted and how much she wanted to stay with me and see me with her for all life. I am sure she listened to this song a thousand times. She is my hero and she is free now. This afternoon I visited her grave and brought her red and purple flowers. I also gave her back her Disintegration album wrapped up in plastic, close to her where it belongs. The note is in my closet forever. Sorry, but the boys sometimes cry.
It is loosely based on the Bracha comment about The Cure Videoclip “A Picture of You” https://youtu.be/UmFFTkjs-O0
Bracha
(Shivering and trembling, thinking of you now) Tension is erased, it's getting warmer now Cast aside the days of old, yet I still remember how we always fought Yet through all the quarrels, yet through all the pain, our affection lived and our love remained We've both been here before, I'm not gonna lie Living through this hell, I guess I'd rather die When you felt depressed I was for you there When you felt alone I would be your savior I know things went wild from time to time That relationship was like war of mine (Memories of love, hurt like fear Not physical and so sincere) Back then there was hate, back then there was a passion Vicious in its nature, led me to concussion Drugs we used to take, the mess we used to make Drinking all night out, leaving chaos in our wake A little bit of hell, a little bit heaven The angel inside you and I have been your devil We used to be like one, but now I'm sitting here All alone and full of tears Darkness fades, yet I'm still here without you Darkness fades, and I'm still thinking of you Cut so deep, I cannot survive Wounds still ache 'cause they aren't forgotten Living without you is destroying me from the inside Killing me from the inside Memories of love, hurt like fear Not physical and so sincere Darkness fades, yet I'm still here without you Darkness fades, and I'm still thinking of you Cut so deep, I cannot survive Wounds still ache 'cause they aren't forgotten Living without you is destroying me from the inside Memories aren't forgotten Memories aren't forgotten Memories aren't forgotten Memories aren't forgotten (Shivering and trembling, thinking of you now) Tension is erased, it's getting warmer now (Suffering in silence, torment of my soul) Every night I dream of you, my beloved one (Is the end approaching, will my heart go cold?) There's no place for doubt, it's my everlasting love